To The Ladies of Zap

Thank you for everything you did each one of those 33 days of radiation treatment. Thank you for making a situation that could be uncomfortable and embarrassing easier to manage. Thanks for laughing at my bad anxiety driven jokes and always greeting me with a smile at such an early hour of the morning. 

Thanks for telling me my skin looked great, even when it started peeling and reminding me that my skin would bounce back. Thanks for answering all my questions - no matter how many times I asked them. Thanks for giving me the smallest radiation tattoos that can't even be detected.  Thanks for letting me choose the marker colors when you had to draw on my boob. 

Thanks for keeping your spirits up while watching all of us come and go all day in various states of healing and treatment. How you manage to do that everyday can not be easy. It's hard to understand the connection that is made between patient and zapping team, but it's there and it's strong. It's hard to understand the emotional impact that happens toward the end of treatment and especially on the last day. 

I will be forever grateful to each of you.

Getting Real About Radiation

Radiation is a recommended treatment for breast cancer patients whether you had lumpectomy or mastectomy or chemo or no chemo. Radiation is said to "sterilize the breast" - get rid of any cancer cells that may have broken off during surgery. I was told about side effects and skin changes to expect but no one really gave the details so here is my blunt, unattractive truth about radiation.


First and foremost, OUCH, is the operative word after about 14 or so treatments. Nothing like a rectangle sunburn over one boob to make your clothes and some movement uncomfortable.  The first two weeks weren't bad at all. Once you get past having more and more people see your boob everyday, it's easy to manage. You don't feel anything when the radiation beam is shot into you and the treatment lasts less than 2 minutes. When the "sunburn" starts coming on, then your skin is really dry feeling and can get itchy. 


The next milestone is the hyper-sensitivity of the areola and especially the nipple (yep, I said it) Geez! There are no words to explain this level of discomfort. The radiation "tanning" of the surgical scars is also a bit unpleasant. That new healing skin is very sensitive to the zapping. And don't forget under your boob, that's the spot that gets the most skin damage and "tanning". The bra issue I have discussed in other blog entries is ever present and even more important now. Nothing feels comfy. I have found putting gauze squares in my bra and over the two surgical scars helps; however, there is still nothing better than being able to go topless in your house for a while. 


During radiation you can not use your typical deodorant, so I have a stick for one armpit and non-metallic deo for the other armpit. You can't shave the armpit that's being zapped. The hair is suppose to fall out, but I am hear to tell you after 27 treatments it's still growing. It is unnerving to face the mirror with scissors and cut off little short hairs from your armpit, but there is no way in hell I was going with that "natural look". You also can't use your favorite soap or body wash. I have Cetaphil for the offending area with a plain washcloth and an Olay soft skin wash with my favorite loofah for the rest of me.  


Next week I'll start the more concentrated zapping - they'll be focusing the beam on the surgical spot. This does not sound fun and I am not looking forward to having the scars "fried" any further. On the up shot, I was told that the rest of my skin would start healing once the treatment shifted from all boob to lumpectomy spot. The "suntan" is suppose to fade over time and match the rest of my skin in a year or less.  


I have tried different recommended lotions, creams and ointments during the radiation. You can't use anything with fragrance, etc. it has to be the plainest of basic lotions. During the day, after treatment, I use Natural Care Gel by Bard which I found in the hospitals out-patient pharmacy. At night or when I can go topless in the house, I cover myself in Elta which is a Swiss skin care moisturizer. These two things may have saved my skin and my sanity (as much as they could have been saved).  


I only have 6 more zappings to go! 

Hello Fatigue

I had hoped that we wouldn't be spending much time together, but I was wrong. I fought to keep you away, but you prevailed. Fatigue you are not my friend.

I was told that one of the main side effects from radiation treatment was fatigue (there was an actual list provided of all side effects). Since I was an exercise person prior to surgery and treatment, there was a chance that the fatigue would not be as great if I continued to exercise. Yes, that sounds crazy - keep exercising to fight off fatigue, but if you have fatigue how do you exercise - but it works. Well, it worked for a while. I just completed my 25th zapping today and I feel like a slug without traction.

The difference was clear yesterday and I knew something wasn't right. When I feel asleep watching TV before 8:30pm last night, I was sure I was getting sick. No, I am experiencing fatigue my radiation oncologist explained this morning. He added that it hits some people toward the end of radiation and others from the start of treatment. And for the bonus round, fatigue doesn't just go away once you stop zappings it last for two to three additional weeks.

I am determined to keep fighting the good fight and somehow make myself exercise today, but surrender (aka nap) sure sounds good to me right now.
Maybe ice cream would help...

No One Mentioned the Scale

Day 4 complete. That's four radiation treatments down and twenty-nine more to go...
This part is not so bad. It takes longer to get in the hospital gown and in position than the actual treatment lasts. Yes, the zapping, as I call it, takes less than five minutes. 


Today is Monday and on Mondays I learned "everyone is weighed". I was zapped and then led to the scale which was in full view of everyone. I was able to ditch the sandals and purse before I jumped aboard. I refer to this as the "Weight Watchers" portion of the treatment. No one told me that every Monday I get to stand on a scale and watch red digital numbers come up and look at me...exposing my weight to me, the nurse and anyone else nearby. These red numbers are put in my file and I'll get to see them every Monday as they go up, down or don't budge (down is my preference). 


Note to self: on Mondays wear very light cotton garments to radiation treatment.

The Unseen Effect of Underwire

No, really...I did not see this coming at all. I thought I was doing well - felt good (physically and emotionally) and then I was faced with the news that I could not wear underwire bras during treatment.
I began by hitting department stores to find a few bras that I could wear for the next 6-8 weeks. Once I got in the dressing room and realized that they don't fit or work like bras with wire, I became irritated. Then there were tears.
I had breast cancer - surgery to remove the tumor spot this past April and now starting radiation. You think you are doing OK and then there it is - the cancer thing screwing with your plans! No scoop neck tops for the summer, no shaving the left arm pit, only non-metallic deodorant on that side and then you are staring at yourself in a dressing room realizing you can not even select the bra you want. The treatment is making all your decisions for you.
Don't get me wrong. I am very fortunate that the cancer was found early (yearly screening) and that it was treatable but I never saw myself crying in a dressing room about a bra.


I found that having a few minutes of just being mad as hell helps when things like this happen. Laughing as much as possible is highly recommended. Looking for the bright side (hair under left arm pit might never grow back) no matter how hard it is to see is worth it!