Saturday, August 6, 2011

Music + Event/ Person = Memory

I can capture many moments of my life by songs. For some reason, I inexplicably link music to certain people and events. I can hear a song from high school and tell you exactly who I was with and what I was doing. Sometimes it's the song that reminds me of a person in general and not a set event with that person. I thought a lot about this the past week and wondered what sounds would be linked to my breast cancer so I decided to make a list of my my music memories and share them...

"The Boys of Summer" by Don Henley = J.O. (no, not going to list full names - just initials)
Lenny Kravitz, Outkast, Steely Dan = M.D.
Stevie Ray Vaughan =  J.K.    (and later = J.Ha.)
Prince and Raphael Saadiq = F.J.
"Roadhouse Blues" by the Doors and "The Thrill is Gone" by BB King = J.Hi.
Madonna = D.S.
"Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera and Pussycat Dolls = M.C.
The Doors, Kelly Clarkson, Black Eyed Peas and N.E.R.D = R.W.M.
Ice-T, The Gap Band = G.B.
"Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard and "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses = D.S.J.
Disco songs = B.W. and H.L.
Mozart's Requiem = D.M.  

I think this list could go on and on, but the song that sticks out is one my brother introduced me to during the breast cancer saga. We were on the way to see the first oncologist about treatment plans, etc and I was nervous. My brother could tell and he played this great song in the car on the way to the appointment. The name of the song has become a little message of positive energy and hope that we now occasionally text to each other. Mike Doughty's "Lord, Lord Help Me To Just Rock Rock On" is the song.

Not sure what Mike Doughty meant with his lyrics, but to me the song says keep going, you are not alone and you can still be the fun rocker chick you always were - and I am going with that!


Dear Birthday

I had high hopes. I have always enjoyed my day o' birth and celebrated you with parties or events. 
This year - nothing. Why did you let me down?

Wasn't this birthday suppose to be special? Wasn't it suppose to mark more than a new year? The surgery was done, the radiation treatments were complete and all before your day. Wasn't this birthday going to be a line in the sand so to speak?

I realize that last year on your day you had no idea what was coming, but couldn't you have pulled something fantastic together for this year?  Ok, maybe because you fell on a Monday the day was just blah, but that doesn't explain the weekend before or after your day. 

I'll admit that I had envisioned a happy kick-ass type of day. A day that said, "step aside the birthday girl is coming through and she won't be stopped". Birthday, you felt no different than any other day and I believe that you should have!

I purposely gave myself some weeks off to help mark your day. I finished radiation and then waited to see the oncologist and start Tamoxifen until after your day. I wanted some days without cancer in my vocabulary as a present to myself. I got those, but I didn't get the special day or the special day feeling I believe you owed me.   

I have decided to take responsibility for your day. I am giving myself August as a birthday do-over month. To kick it off, Team C Cup pulled together a belated birthday dinner party which was great! It's only August 5th, so there are several days left to recoup what I think I missed on my day of birth.

I'm glad that Alice taught us about the Unbirthday Party.